Couples should be aware that marriages don’t die overnight. Most of the time, the slow destruction of a marriage may come little by little over time. A misunderstanding here and there and couples suddenly find themselves rarely talking to each other. Soon enough, they may even find themselves hating each other until they have made up their minds that love between them has been lost.
Ideally, you and your spouse should be able to respond to problems quickly before they cause serious damage to your relationship. When you are having marriage problems whether big or small, the sooner you face the facts and decide what to do about them, the better your chances are of staying married. Ignoring even the smallest of problems won’t make them go away. Being pessimistic of what is happening to your marriage is an early sign that divorce may become a probability.
Another telltale sign that your marriage is heading for divorce is frequent conflicts. When you see yourself replaying old arguments and reliving old hurts, your marriage may be in trouble. Suddenly anger and crying seems to be the order of the day. With emotions out of control, it becomes difficult to assess all the options you have for dealing with your marriage troubles realistically.
A more serious sign would be if you have lost the willingness to resolve your marital problems. You have somehow given to the situation that you are now having thoughts of divorce. The patience and love you feel for each other has been replaced by resentment and contempt. These signs are becoming more and more serious when you try as much as possible to avoid being together. The most damaging sign of all would be if one or both of you is now having an affair or thinking of having one.
If you begin to see these signs, there’s no need to panic. You are not necessarily headed for the divorce court. However, it should be a cause for concern and it’s time for you and your spouse to assess your options and decide what to do next. Timing is everything when your marriage is on the verge of falling apart. Do not wait until your marriage is damaged beyond repair to get professional help.
Everything will depend on how deep the wounds have been dealt. It is always easier to treat a wound when it is still small. Waiting for it to become bigger before doing anything to treat it will take time. The same goes with trying to make the marriage work. When couples are able to look way ahead and heed the warning signs early on, there is a bigger chance for them to make their marriage work. The deeper the wounds, the longer the time and the effort needed to avoid divorce. During this stage, both couples should have the strong resolve to make it work out. Only then will they be successful in being able to give space for healing, forgiveness and making their bond last.
Working with the right marriage counsellor can help save your marriage or, at the very least, save you and your spouse months or even years of anguish trying to decide what to do about the problems in your relationship.