Trust lies at the heart of every strong relationship and, like most things in good a relationship, it is worked at. It is an action or decision. Here are eight questions to check whether you trust your partner.
- Do you look for unknown names and numbers on his cell phone when he is not around? Do you read his SMS messages? Do you check what numbers he often dials?
- Do you go through his e-mail?
- Do you phone him at strange hours of the day or night with a phoney excuse just to check where he is?
- Do you get edgy when he has to work with female colleagues on projects that are out of town or that run late into the evening?
- Are ex-girlfriends off-limits?
- Do you check his credit card bills and receipts?
- Do you often accuse him of flirting or being too friendly with a woman?
- Do you phone his friends or colleagues to check where he is?
If you have answered yes to two or more of these questions, you definitely have a trust issue in your relationship. If you have not been betrayed by your partner, but find yourself doing these things, ask yourself why you are unable to trust him. Do you feel that he has not earned your trust or that it still has to be negotiated? Or has a previous boyfriend or friend betrayed your trust? If so, communicate your feelings to your partner. Tell him what he can do to help you get the problem. Openness and communication about your feelings will lead to respect of each other’s lives without any secrecy.
If, however, you feel that trust is something that is based on someone’s character, attitude or behaviour, you must ask yourself what you are doing with your partner if you cannot trust him. If your partner has betrayed you, recognise that spying on him will not make the pain go away. Instead, share your feelings without blaming him and try to stand in each other’s shoes for a while. Recognise that there were reasons why your trust was broken. Disappointment, expectations, baggage from the past, obsessive behaviour and unresolved conflict are all probable causes to break someone’s trust. Deal with these issues and seek help if necessary. There is no easy road to forgiveness and only forgiveness enables you to trust again. On the other hand, distrust breeds distrust and your relationship has no chance of surviving this